On the 4th day God said "let there be sun and moon!"

So here I am with some more chuckle-inducing industry tidbits. Does everyone know the character Ari Gold from "Entourage?" Good. Well, he is pretty closely based on Mark Wahlberg (the creator of the show)'s real life agent Ari Emmanuel. In terms of Hollywood talent honchos, he is as big as it gets, being a founder/partner of the talent agency Endeavor and representing some of the best talent in town including Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Moore, Aaron Sorkin, Martin Scorsese and Shaquille O'Neal? Yes! This is true my brethren!

Now I know what some of you are thinking. (Well, besides Willis who is only thinking about his new gorilla crush Gloria...and I SUPPORT YOU WILLIS.). You are thinking, "sure Ethan, it's funny that Diedrich Bader and Lauren Bacall share an agent, but Shaq? He's pretty big time. He should have a powerful agent." And yes you are right. Shaq WAS Hollywood for a good many years, playing for the star-studded Los Angeles Lakers from Fall 1996-Summer 2005 (some of the most exciting times of my life, and NO not because I grew pubes you weirdos). But the fact still remains, anything involving Shaq in a movie is HILARIOUS! Go with me here. Imagine its 1996, and you are Ari Emanuel's assistant (I am assuming that Ari represented Shaq in 1996 for the purposes of this little bit....you should too) and you are speaking to Ari after a meeting.*

REMEMBER:
MARTIN SCORSESE:
SHAQ



Ari: Alright, Marty just left!
Frightened Assistant: Should I discard the leftover coke into your "save-for-later" trapper keeper?
Ari: You fucking better! Thats $900 worth of coke Marty just brought over, I'm not gonna fuckin throw it away like Whoopi Goldberg threw her career away by doing "Eddie!**"
FA: So you finished hashing out Martin's deal to direct "Kundun."
Ari: Yea, that's right
FA: Wow, I read that script. It's a beautiful tragic story about a 2 year old identified as the next Dalai Lama, brought to Lhasa to be schooled as a monk amidst the color and pageantry of Tibetan culture until the age of 14 when the Chinese invade Tibet and his life, and the life of his people are changed forever.
Ari: Well if anyone can direct a story of that magnitude and depth, Marty can. He's got vision, talent, skill and uncompromising visions for his films...as well as my FAVORITE Coke Straw! (looking for coke straw)That son of a bitch! Well, no matter, he is going to direct a beautiful film and go down in history as one of the greatest cinematic innovators of all time. I'm glad I can be part of what's sure to be a long, illustrious career. Now, who's my next appointment?
FA: That would be Shaquille O'Neal sir.
Ari: The basketball player?
FA: That is correct sir.
Ari: He can't even speak coherent English
FA: No he cannot sir.
Ari: He wants to do movies?
FA: Yes sir?
Ari: What kind of movies?
FA: Well, he is particularly interested in attaching himself to a project where he would play a magic, rapping genie who grants wishes to a young punk with daddy issues.
Ari: What the fuck kind of project is that?
FA: I believe Paul Michael Glaser has written it and is attached to direct.
Ari: You mean the guy who played Starsky on the old show, "Starsky and Hutch?"
FA: Yes sir. Oh! I believe the script has also had a punch-up done by Christian Ford.
Ari: Who the fuck is that?
FA: He wrote an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Ari: So you're telling me that the starting center for the Orlando Magic, a guy who cant speak a word of discernible English, wants to STAR in a modern day genie movie written and directed by Starsky and a dude who wrote ONE episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?
FA: That is correct sir.
Ari: I've gotta get at least 15% of his paycheck.
FA: You will sir. Oh, let me wipe this junk off your nose...Here comes Mr. O'Neal now.
Ari: Hey Shaq! You ready to make a movie!
Shaq: youknowitsgametime for the shaq diesel to pleasedakidsandmake funnymoviewithlotsofhamburgersandcandyandshitflyingfromthesky and a bicycleand dabratandlotsofshaqdiesel
Ari: Lets make it happen!

Now you get what I'm saying? Its a funny thought. UNTIL TOMORROW.

*I have not ever met Ari Emanuel or Martin Scorsese nor do I have any proof whatsoever which supports this hypothetical conversation's implications of either party's drug use or drug habits.

**On a personal level, I love "Eddie!" I love basketball and I love laughing. So when it comes to "Eddie", what's not to love? I saw it with my grandparents when it was in theaters, we all had a great time. I rented it to show my cousin Laura like a year later, I enjoyed it again. I see it on cable every now and then and guess what....I STILL ENJOY IT. You have Rick Fox, John Salley and Greg Ostertag in their acting/basketball career primes, Vlade Divac and Cedric Ceballos playing themsevles (who better to play them!) and Dennis Farina doing what he does best--playing an asshole! When I watch this movie now, I feel like I've been taken back in the Delorean, back in a beautiful time warp to the good old days of the NBA in 1996--watching Avery Johnson, Vinny Del Negro, Doc Rivers and Sam Mitchell again! Boy have times chang--wait a minute! I do see all of these players now. I see them all the time! One of them is in the finals! Only now...they're ALL COACHES. Weird....