Day 21-Stormtrooper Elvis? Really?

Hey loyal readers. I'm soooo sorry I have been away for so long. This past week was pretty busy and this weekend was jam-packed. Jam-packed with what you say? Well, on Saturday and Sunday I attended the Mecca for geeks. The Holy of Holies for nerds. The Shrine of the Silver Monkey for dorks. Yes. I ATTENDED COMIC-CON. I was one of 125,000 people there to see all the celebrity chocked filled Panel discussions, Q + As, Exhibits, and much much more. I have a shit ton of pictures on facebook which I highly recommend viewing as they have very funny captions and are for the most part, interesting if not exhilarating.

Let me start by saying the weekend was crazy. Insane. I have never seen so many costumes, gross wispy mustaches and back hair in my life. There were weirdos, hot girls in leather, children, grandparents, grandparents in leather and much much more. The way it is set up, there is a giant exhibition hall with all of the booths and stations for every comic book publisher, movie studio, TV network etc. There are also "artists alleys" where comic artists will draw whatever you want and sell it to you for $25 and a handy (minus the handy). Upstairs there are conference rooms were all the panels are held, and all the lines are formed. Downstairs there are the HUGE halls where panels for movies like "The Mummy 3" and "Pineapple Express" are held. There are also giant rooms to play Magic: The Gathering, Pokemon, Yugio etc AND halls that are filled with societies that try and get you to join such as "Star Wars Rebel Fleet Society of San Yisidro" and "Middle Earth Trekkies of Fullerton." There are even artists that will sit and discuss your portfolio with you and talk about what you should work on as an artist.

Now that you have a scope of what Comic-Con is, I will discuss some of the highlights.

1. Seeing storm troopers taking a shit in the bathroom. I walked in and saw one, mask on, coming out of a stall. A little surreal.

2. Hearing Billy West having a conversation between Fry, Professor and Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. That guy is unbelievable. Also hearing Doug Funnie AND Roger Klotz come out of his mouth brought tears to my eyes.

3. Hearing the guy who does the voice of OLMEC from Legends of the Hidden Temple!

4. Watching Joan Allen talk about why she signed on to the movie Death Race. Surprisingly, she omitted the fact that she was going to be paid enough money to buy 2 new houses in Bermuda.

5. Hearing Jason Statham talk. That dude is just too cool for school.

6. A little girl asked Justin Long in the HUGE auditorium, "do you...umm...actually own a Mac?" He laughed and said he did. Somewhere, Steve Jobs was wiping his brow.

7. Whilst sitting down in the huge auditorium where movies were being discussed, I saw Aziz Ansari from Human Giant walk in front of me. I didnt know why he was there. But then during the "Pineapple Express" session, all of the Human Giant guys lined up for questions. Paul Scheer (the bald one) asked first: "Um...first off, I'm so nervous my butt is so sweaty right now. Um...I saw Frank Miller here. Do you um....know Frank Miller?" Judd responds--No, sorry. Seth Rogen is laughing. Paul: Um...do you know how I can get in contact with Frank Miller. I think he is so coool!" Then Rob Schrab (host of MILF Island) gets up and says, "Hi, I'm also sooo nervous right now. My butt is like, so sweaty. Umm....so Frank Miller is a genius..." and then went on and on to talk about Frank Miller. Finally, Aziz went up and said, "Hi, I'm like soo nervous, my dick is so sweaty and hard right now" and then asked some more funny questions.
Take my word for it, Human Giant is hilarious. If you've never seen anything they've done, go to FunnyorDie or youtube and look them up. I especially love the one with Will Arnett (who I was told by Will's business manager was too embarrassed by it to show his parents). All those guys are going places.

8. Nervously asking my question to the Pineapple Express panel: In Knocked Up you guys smoke up in a variety of different ways. What is the craziest or most creative way you've ever blazed? Answer from Seth Rogen: "The fishbowl scene in Knocked Up is something we did in High School and thought was really cool, but Danny McBride smokes out of his own butt sometimes. And out of a human skull." Danny then agreed!

Side-note: Judd Apatow is hilarious in person. I expected Seth Rogen to be laugh out loud funny, which he was, but Judd is actually the funniest person there. I realize know why he is the king of comedy. He himself is a great comedian.

9. Will Ferrell talking "via satellite" to the crowd for his "Land of the Lost" panel. While at first it actually seemed like he was there, saying hi to people, talking about the movie, even interacting with the cast. Then he started "taking questions." The first person asked, "why did you decide to work on this movie." After a really long delay, Will started laughing and said, "funny you should ask about the sleestacks, they were really a handful to work with...." Then after every question was asked, he'd respond with a wildly incongruous answer. It was really funny.

10. Meeting this guy dressed as the Mad Hatter who talked like the Mad Hatter ALL DAY.

11. Meeting all the guys who used to write for MAD Magazine in the 60s. I used to read all of my dad's old MADs and they all used to be so good. Now they're crap of course, but hearing stories of how the MAD Fold-In started (We thought, Playboy has a fold-out, lets have a fold-in!) was really cool.

12. SWAG. Everywhere I went I got free shit. Free Dwight Schrute poster, Pineapple express car freshener, comic books, pins, "The Flash" and "The Green Hornet" rings, limited edition Iron Man hologram DVD cover, HUMONGOUS Smallville bag, FOX Poster holders and more and more and more stuff. Really a SWAG overload.

It was a physically exhausting day (we got there at 8:30 AM and stayed until 7 PM on Saturday) and by the end of it, my body had just shut down, but it was really fun and if anyone wants to go with me next year, it would definitely be a lot of fun.

On another note, I saw Step Brothers over the weekend and loved it. It was hilarious--the dinner table scene in Talladega Nights was really the type of movie it was; just a bunch of hilarious conversations. I read an interview with Adam McKay (the film's director/co-writer) who said that when him and Will start to write a movie, first they come up with a concept, then they write tons of scenarios or scenes that would be funny in the movie, then they write things they want to see in ANY movie, and only then do they start writing the actual movie/plot. I dont really think this movie made it to the 4th stage, as there was no real plot to be found. HOWEVER, it didnt matter. Most scenes in the movie made me laugh out loud, and every actor really went all out and brought stuff to the table. One of the real scene-stealers was Adam Scott playing Will Ferrell's ultra-successful douchbag, hot-shot brother. My favorite line of his was "Honey. Dane Cook. Pay-per view, 20 minutes!" Hearing Will Ferrell sing opera was also magical. Interestingly enough, the whole movie didnt have as many memorable lines as it had memorable situations.

The one unfunny element of the movie was the constant usage of the word "fuck." The word obviously is not a big deal anymore and I use it colloquially myself, like it is used in Apatow movies. But in "Step Brothers" the word itself was used as a punchline. The first time you heard an adult (Richard Jenkins) say something like, "I dont give a fuck!" it was funny. The second time, when Mary Steenburgen said it, it was kinda funny, but by the third, fourth, and fifth times, it had lost it's shock value. One of the reasons why Anchorman was so popular, was that with the PG-13 rating, they had to make exclamations without using the word fuck. That's why you get phrases like, "Great Odin's raven" instead of "What the fuck!" When, in Step Brothers, the audience was expected to laugh simply because a character said "fuck" in a shocking way, it wasnt funny. The comedy moral of the story is: Use the "f word" sparingly, so when you do use it, it can have a powerful effect. Case in point: "Go Fuck Yourself San Diego."

Until Tomorrow--

ps. If I had known there would be all this talk about "Shes the Man" I would have written a whole post about it. I dont really want to write a whole post about it, so I will say that I do think Amanda Bynes is very talented, very hot (especially in Hairspray), but her one flaw is that as a child, she helped usher in the "overacting/over excited" style while she was on All That and The Amanda Show that every Disney/Nickelodeon actress uses. Especially Hannah Montana.

pps. I think I spoke too soon about Shia LeBeouf having a blemish-free career. That DUI and hand injury is gonna suck for him.

ppps. Hi Cara

Day 15- "Was anyone else just touched in a very meaningful way?"- Ben Gramer After seeing Wall-E

Alright, I promise that was the last Weird Al related post you'll see for a while. Today I am going to discuss 6 actors who wish they had Shia LeBeouf's career. All of these actors were also child actors that you remember from your youth, but actors who have yet successfully made the leap into adult superstardom.

1. David Gallagher-- He played Simon Camden for ten years on 7th Heaven, was the main tyke in "Look Who's Talking Now," played Richie Rich in a straight to DVD movie, and now is doing more straight to DVD shit like "Boogeyman 2" and (I swear to God) "Freakin Zombies, Man!" I dont feel bad for him, because he is making fuck loads of residuals off of 219 episodes of 7th Heaven that rerun every day on different networks, but I do feel bad that the guy hasnt gotten any real work since his days as the preacher's son. On the other hand, his acting was pretty shitty in the later years (some of his crying scenes after accidentally killing a druggy were ridiculously bad). I predict he'll be mulling around playing guest roles on TV shows for the next 5 years, and then try and do stuff behind the camera.

2. Michael Angarano--You may know him from his roles as Jack's son on Will and Grace, the starring role in "The Brainiacs.com," Young Red Pollard in "Seabiscuit," or most recently his roles in "Sky High" and "The Forbidden Kingdom." This guy is clearly getting a lot of work. He does indies much more than he does studio pictures, but you bet your ass he tried out for, and wanted the part of Sam in "Transformers." He has the same kind of skinny guy, geeky charm that Shia has, but in my opinion he doesnt have the funniness. He also doesnt have that chaotic, eccentric spark that Shia showed in "Even Stevens" and for instance, "I Robot." Michael does have acting chops though, and a promising career, but just not one where he will get top billing or get cast in an Indiana Jones flick.

3. Ryan Merriman-- You may know him from his Disney Channel Original Movies, "Smart House," "Luck of the Irish," and "Ring of Endless Light." Most recently you may have seen him in "The Ring Two" or "Final Destination 3." He also had a promising young career as he was handsome, earnest and athletic. But frankly he has never really gotten a chance to display real acting chops. Now it looks like he is being very active, filming parts in TV shows, miniseries' and movies, so hopefully he will rise the ranks of former child actors. You can also bet from his "horror genre" experience that he wanted the starring role in "Disturbia," but I guess he also just doesn't have that "Shia spark."

4. Andy Lawrence--The youngest Lawrence brother started out his career as the silliest brother on "Brotherly Love" (a show with a great theme song bee tee dubs). He then graduated to roles in the Disney Channel original movies "Horse Sense," "The Other Me," "Jumping Ship," and "Going to the Mat." He also voiced Mikey on "Recess." He has had a decent career in terms of work load, but as of late, the work is scarce and limited to just guest appearances on television shows, or series that get canceled. He definitely had that silly spark, and he is a good looking guy, but I guess the "Lawrence" surname has given him a stigma that will never make anyone take him seriously ever. I predict more Disney movies.

5. Trevor Morgan-- Started as the geek/cool dude in the Disney Channel movie, "Genius." Later he got some roles as the "cool kid/asshole" in "Barney's Great Adventure" (Ironic no?), then as the "cool kid/asshole" in "The Sixth Sense." He started just playing the geek in movies like "Jurassic Park III" and "The Glass House." but then kept reverting back to that "cool kid/asshole" role in films like HBO's "Empire Falls" and "Mean Creek."Now he is doing guest roles on TV shows, but unless he can escape that "cool guy/asshole" persona (it didnt get him the role in Indiana Jones 4) and try stretching a little bit, I just dont see his career being great. He also is kind of an ugly dude.

6. Bug Hall-- You definitely remember him as the adorable "Alfalfa" in The Little Rascals. You might remember him as one of The Stupids in "The Stupids." I doubt you remember him being the lead in the Disney movie, "Safety Patrol" (which had a cameo by Weird Al--last one I promise!) But thats it. His career has slowed down and the last semi-memorable performance of his was acting opposite the most likely coked up Lindsay Lohan in the Disney Channel Original Movie, "Get a Clue." Now he also has reverted to guest star roles on TV shows. In his youth he definitely had the charm and quirkiness of a Shia LeBeouf, but I guess he just doesnt have it anymore. He also has the name "Bug" which is really stupid.


Thats the six I've come up with so far. What did Shia do right? Well he immediately tried to escape his "Louis Stevens" character on Even Stevens (in my opinion, the funniest/best show ever on The Disney Channel) by playing a retard in a TV movie. He pulled it off very well. Then he decided to ditch Disney (something the Lawrence bros. have yet to do) and be a real actor. He did a great job in Holes (a movie Frankie Muniz passed up to do the god-awful "Cody Banks" flicks--glad that worked out for him...), and balanced doing bit parts in studio flicks like "I Robot" and "Constantine," with big parts in indies like "The Battle of Shaker Heights" and "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints" (a flick, that as i mentioned before, is very worth your time). The fact that he hasnt really done anything that stupid in his personal life (other than that drunken appearance at a Walgreens at 2 in the morning) helps. He's also, truth be told, a very good actor. I am actually very much looking forward to "Eagle Eye." Check out the trailer, its sick!

OH! By the way I left off one guy who was jealous of Shia LeBeouf's career.....
ME!!!!!!!

Even Stevens WAS my life growing up. I was Louis, the funny nudnik who always got in trouble and liked comedy. My older sister Rena was Ren (!!) the over achieving smarty pants who graduated with the highest honors, but who also was kinda goofy. My little sister was Donny, the "perfect" one who everyone always paid attention to. Both the Stevens mom and my mom are politically active and both the Stevens dad and my dad have weird hobbies!

Anyway, besides that I kinda look like Shia LeBeouf. TWICE I have gotten asked if I was Shia LeBeouf--once in line at Universal Studios, and once at a public school where I tutored and some kid with a speech impediment asked me if I was on "Eben Stebens" and if I played, "Louis Stebens." I guess the fact that we both have the Jewiest hair helps.

I also can be wisecraking/goofy/nervous/cool/physically fit, cant I? CANT I?



Oh well. I'll guess I'll just have to keep heeding my mom's advice and and "be the best ETHAN I can be." It wont enable me to make out with Megan Fox, but at least I am in KARL Improv (woo woo).

In other news--Katy Perry has a hit song in "I Kissed A Girl." Most people like it and find it at least a tiny bit titillating. Now imagine if the song changed genders and became--"I Kissed a Boy." That song would NOT make it on mainstream radio. It might be hilarious, BUT no one would bop their heads to it in the car or sing it drunkenly at parties. In fact, I think that given the homophobia in American society, most men would find themselves uncomfortable listening to the song. And if any man did find himself humming it in the middle of the day, you can bet that at least 4 people will go up to him and barrage him with gay slurs such as "dude, you're so gay" or "dude, I cant believe you're humming that song, that's so gay!" or "Wow dude, you know how I know you're gay?" Anyway--its just a peculiar double standard. Think about it.

Until Tomorrow---