Day 5-The Lakes are Still ALIVE

A lot of you may not know this about me, but I am a sensitive guy. Its true. I feel for people. Now this may come as a surprise for a lot of you given how hard core of a person I am. But to be perfectly honest, I feel (there I go again) that I am actually a very empathetic person. If there is injustice in the world, or someone has been wronged, I genuinely feel bad about it.

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about feeling bad for the refugees in Darfur or anything like that silly! I'm talking about characters in movies who "get the shaft" so to speak. What do I mean? Let me explain.

In the wonderful, stupendous, life-affirming, never gets old film, "School of Rock," (the best film Jack Black will ever make because in this movie, unlike in other of his movies, he plays all parts of himself, not just the stoner heavy version-"Orange County" or cute heavy version-"The Holiday" or sarcastic heavy version-"High Fidelity") everyone in the band has a back story, gets their time in the sun, has a special scene where they bond with Mr. "Schneebly," and overcomes their fear/obstacle.

Zach Mooneyham (shredding guitarist) is a shy kid who never stands up for himself but after a talk with Mr. Schneebly and a whole lesson devoted to teaching him how to use rock to stand up to his dad (the man), he rocks in the "kick ass show" and his fucked up dad lets him finally play rock and roll.
Freddy Jones (the "tough" drummer) is a punk kid who has lots of aggression but doesnt know how to channel it. After Mr. Schneebly shows him what the drums are (btw---really? the kid who loves to bang on shit, and plays percussion never even thought about playing the drums? A liiiiiittle stretch. But I digress) and gives him some sagely advice about real rockers and the dangers of drugs Freddy becomes a team player and helps inspire Dewey Finn to come and play at Battle of the Bands.
Lawrence (is good at piano) is a really smart, introverted, nerdy Asian kid with no friends and after learning the coolest handshake ever and discovering that he too can be the "bees knees" gains confidence and the respect of his peers.
Tamika (Turkey Sub) is a really shy fat Black girl who has mighty power-house pipes but has never shared it with anyone...until Mr. Schneebly coaxes it out of her, tells her how awesome she is, and likens her to a certain....ARETHA FRANKLIN thus raising her confidence and enabling her to belt it and be proud of it.
Even the back up singers, Gordon (the awesome techie), Frankie (the fat kid who channels his fatness to become security) and Billy (sassy pants who gets to express his gayness) get "personalities" that they channel towards helping the band.

Yep, everyone gets their due, gains confidence and changes for the better. WAIT. HOLD THE PHONE. I'M MISSING SOMEONE. Who? Who is it? It's KATIE the bassist! She literally gets NOTHING the whole movie. She keeps that "g coming" and lets her fingers do the rocking in the beginning and THATS IT. She plays basically one note the entire film. Her one tiny bit of dialogue is when Freddy is ranting about the lack of female drummers and Katie points out that he forgot Meg from the White Stripes. Thats it. She doesnt get a solo in the rock show, she doesnt get a solo/shout out in the end credit song. Nothing. Would it have hurt Mike White/Richard Linklater to at least give the girl a line about how her parents worship her older brother and how she is always living in his shadow--that way when her parents see her play at the concert she is vindicated in some way. Could she at least have answered a math question during the wonderful Math song? No. She got fucked. No if ands or buts or anyway around it, And I FEEL BAD FOR HER. See how empathetic I am?

In other news, I was talking with my friend Evan the other day and we were discussing how I saw "You Dont Mess With the Zohan."

If you're wondering, I liked it. Its by far Adam Sandler's funniest movie in 4 years (if you count 50 First Dates as funny which I do. I thought Sean Astin's lisp and fishnet shirts were enjoyable. Sam Wise...you are a delight!) I LOVED the music (HaDag Nachash), montage sequences, and the Israeli references to matcot, hackey-sack, hummus, disco-dance etc. I hated Rob Schneider, the simplified, stupified political views (why cant we just end the fighting? THERE ARE LOTS OF REASONS!) and I hated some of the cameos (Mariah Carey-you sucked in Glitter and you suck now.)

But I digress, the conversation we had was actually discussing the hotness of a certain Moroccan/French/Canadaian Jew who played the Palestinian love interest in the film-- Emmanuelle Chriqui. I knew this girl was hot ever since I wanted to bone her in "Snow Day" but she became THAT MUCH HOTTER when she joined "Entourage" as E's girlfriend Sloan, and had a threesome.

Now I have never ever met or heard of another girl named Sloan, save for one. I have seen one other Sloan in my lifetime. And she was also REALLY hot. Do you know who I am referring to?

SLOANE PETERSON! From "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Both Sloanes were gorgeous, awesome girls who support their man, have a distinctive style (E's Sloane wears flowing designer clothes while Ferris' Sloane wears cowgirl stuff) and like having fun (Ferris' girl likes spending the day at the museum, Oktoberfest parade, and flirting with Ferris' dad through a car window. E's girl likes the aforementioned threesome).

All of that aside, my question is when did Hollywood decide that Sloane was a hot name for the perfect girl? AND DONT SAY because it sounds like "loan" and Jews control Hollywood! Sloane is a weird fucking name. It is of Irish and Gaelic origin and means "man of arms, warrior." Not "beautiful girl with a gorgeous body who is far cooler than any girl who exists in real life." Anyway--i guess the point is, Hollywood-do your research*. Until Tomorrow-

*ps. if you feel like this part of the entry was rather pointless and the whole "Sloan" argument has more substance as an observation than as critique, I would say you're right. But I would also say get over it.