Day 40- The amount of time the Israelites wandered through the desert. And the age Steve Carrell had sex in the 40 Year old virgin

Hey everyone, I know I am supposed to be writing Part 2 of the last post, but I think I would rather do "this" right now. "This" being, only writing short snippets of nonsense that I have picked up. So:

1st snippet: Have you heard of that movie The Dark Knight? It came out last summer. It was about a bat. Anyway, do you remember that actress who plays Commissioner Gordon's wife? The red head who's in about 4 scenes and cries in practically every one. Every time I saw the movie I racked my brain trying to figure out where I recognized her from. It killed me every time. Then, finally-without looking it up on IMDB, it hit me last night like a James Brown song. She was in that classic 1998 Leslie Nielsen spoof film, "Wrongfully Accused!" She plays Leslie's love interest--the sultry, silly "which side is she on" seductress Cass Lake, who has such funny lines as:

Cass Lake: You see, I think she's my sister.
Ryan Harrison: Sister?
Cass Lake: It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.

There are other funny lines in this movie, such as
Ryan Harrison: Don't move. I've got a gun. Not here, but I got one.

also: Ryan Harrison: [to Sean] Right? Signal "yes" by shooting yourself in the head three times.
Lauren: Don't, it's a trick!

And I got one more for you just for kicks:
Ryan Harrison: Your dog sure has a surprised look on his face.
Lauren: That's because you're looking at his butt.
Ryan Harrison: Uh, then he's certainly not going to enjoy that treat I just fed to him.

I usually dont quote that much on the blog, but this movie is actually pretty funny, and I just read all of those and each one made me laugh out loud. BOY! It actually felt good writing that entire phrase out. Laugh out loud. You should try it some time.

Anyway, not only was this actress in both these movies, but she also played a pivotal role in one of my favorite shows on teleivison-- MAD MEN! I know there are only some readers who actually watch the show (<5) but I'm going to write about it anyway to get you all to get in the game!

She played Bobbie Barrett! The last woman Don Draper had an affair with and then one who I wrote about a while back. She was the one he FISTED in the back of a restaurant!

Thats all I will write about that. I dont want to spoil anything for those of you (all of you) who havent watched Mad Men yet.

Anyway--impressive lady. Impressive body of work. Impressive crying in Dark Knight (I have now seen that movie 6 times btw, and I cant wait to watch it again.) Oh. And the actress's name is Melinda McGraw.*

One more thing to post. I just read this from a reliable source. (It was imdb). Why didnt I just say, "I read this on IMDB." Cause I like the term reliable source. It makes me sound like a journalist when really I am typing this post while wearing nothing but boxers in my bed, while listening to a song from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's 2005 comedy album, "Come Poop With Me." Anyway! The News!

The stars of Harry Potter are getting a makeover from the team behind Brad Pitt's transformation for The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button - they're set to be digitally aged for the final movie.

They are going to use the same technology as they did in Benjamin Button to make the three stars of HP look older for the epilogue scene in the HP7P2. (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. They are splitting the last book into 2 movies to make more money). This means they'll probably use different actors' bodies and superimpose new digital faces of the original adorable threesome.

PS. If you could have a threesome with any "trio" of famous characters (must include at least one member of your same sex), who would it be? My top 3 off the top of my head.

1. Harry, Ron and Hermione
2. Lizzie McGuire, Miranda and Gordo
3. Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Princess Leia

(illegal 4th option): Any 3 of the members of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
(illegal and disturbing 5th option): Sonic, Tails and Knuckles

I guess this new Benjamin Button tech shit is cool. I just hope they dont make HP7P2 8 hours long.

This turned into a much longer post than I expected. Oh well. Better for you all.

Until Tomorrow---

*I did it. I spoke about The Dark Knight without mentioning Heath Ledger. Oh wait...shit.

Day 22- My dad once told me that if I was going to be a superhero, I'd be "Media Lad."

Poor Melissa Joan Hart. If "Clarissa Explains it All" had come out 15 years later she would be the biggest thing on the planet! The way celebrities, especially child celebrities, get exposure nowadays, the "system" would have given her a record contract in the show's 2nd season, they would have released Clarissa fashion line, Clarissa jewelry, Clarissa bed sheets, backpacks, lunch boxes, contraceptive devices etc. Especially since Clarissa's character had a very unique style of dress; the grungy-tomboy-funk-denim-neon look. They probably would have even had Clarissa voice boxes where you could press a button and hear the "Sam slamming his ladder against Clarissa's window guitar twang." The only Clarissa merchandise I can think of was the Clarissa Explains it All Board Game, but in those days (unlike now) everything had a board game. I think I played a Full House board game, an Are You Afraid of the Dark board game (with pictures of Elisha Cuthbert that I would have abused back then had I known the awesome secrets of my own male anatomy) and even an Secret World of Alex Mack board game. SNICK ruled.

Side note--How come we dont play board games anymore and everything has to be a DVD board game? And dont say, "video games" because we had those back then too and we still had time to throw down the "Jesse and the Rippers Card" and go ahead three spaces. Some of my favorite memories as a child was playing "Life." When you played that game, the best career was clearly the policeman because whenever someone spun a 10 you got like 5 grand. I cant remember a time when I didnt at least try and cheat to get that career.

BACK TO BUSINESS- Clarissa was the original Lizzie McGuire. With her fantasy sequences, wacky family, good male friend, annoying younger brother, and unique perspective on Middle School/High School, she really set the precedent for all future tweenager shows. Think about it. She even had the token ethnic girl friend. That show was quality. Pure quality.

Anyway lets talk about movies I like that I dont think anyone else does.

1. The Power Rangers Movie. I could watch that movie over and over again, and not just to be nostalgic, but to actually watch the sky-diving to Red Hot Chilli Peppers music, the combat scenes of the rangers fighting the ooze guys in the construction site to a song with the lyrics, "action boy now, action girl now," and to feel the palpable sexual tension between Tommy and Kimberly. I also love watching the rangers get new zords and the power of the ninjetti, and seeing Zordon get brought back to life from Kimberley's tears. In terms of adapting a television show to a movie--what more could you want? New villain, new zords, a much bigger budget, higher stakes! The whole movie makes me very very happy.

2. Josie and the Pussycats- No one likes this movie and I think its great. It's very funny AND it has something to say about MTV/Consumer culture/Corporations control everything. I like the look of the movie too, with ads placed in the movie as an ironic jab at the whole movie's anti-advertising message. The music is great, Parker Posey's dialogue and awkwardness were perfect and the whole opening scene with the band, "Du Jour" starring Seth Green, Donald Faison, Brecking Meyer etc is gut-busting. The whole, "stop doing my face" "du jour means teamwork, du jour means seatbelts" exchange is inspired. I give it two thumbs up.

3. Mystery Men. Now maybe people like this movie, but I dont think many people saw it. I think the Blue Raja is very funny, as is Dane Cook's Waffler, as is Kel Mitchell's invisible man, as is the banter between Ben Stiller and Jeneane Garofolo, as is Geoffrey Rush's pinkie finger nail attack, as is Eddie Izzard's disco assassin. The whole movie in my mind is very funny and unique and clever and cool. Mr. Furious is a hero and yes, getting super angry is a power.

4. Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny. I love Tenacious D. From the first time I heard the song "Fuck Her Gently" when I was in 8th grade and Jack Black wasnt that famous, I was in awe. I liked them so much that my dad even started looking them up and one day asked me what a "Cleveland Steamer" was. No one I know (except for Mike Lefemine) saw this movie in theaters. I dont get it. People love Jack Black and most people love Tenacious D. I guess his fan base though isnt one to get off their couches and see the movie. I do admit the movie isnt perfect, and does have some slow moments, but the music is great, especially the grand finale song versus Satan, and for the most part the situations they get it are very very funny. Tim Robbins' and Amy Poehler's cameos are also very clutch. I enjoy this movie with or without herbal supplements and that is saying a lot.

In terms of Hollywood send up movies that I dont think did very well at the box office:


1. Bowfinger- Steve Martin is a genius. For those who dont know, this picture is about a delusional, unsuccessful director trying to make a movie called "Chubby Rain" starring international action star, KIT Ramsey (played by Eddie Murphy who is actually very funny in this). The only problem is he cant get KIT to be in it, so they try and film the movie with him, but without him knowing that he is in it. This film has a great cast filled with the likes of Christine Baranski, Heather Graham (really fucking hot in this movie), Robert Downey Jr, Terrence Stamp as the leader of a Scientology skewing cult called, "Mindhead," and more make this picture a must see for anyone who likes laughing at Hollywood and for anyone who likes Steve Martin's silly, ridiculous, yet intellectual sense of humor.*

2. Big Fat Liar- Not as good as Bowfinger but Paul Giamatti delivers a hilarious performance as a studio exec who steals Frankie Muniz's story and makes it into a movie. Amanda Bynes is great in this too, and so is...one of my favs...Donald Faison. I liked this when it came out and I like it now.

I have more, but I am going to save them for later.

Until Tomorrow--

*Ed Note: When writing this paragraph originally I was going to include that it was directed by Frank Oz, the voice of Yoda, Fozzie Bear etc (as Stephi Blank brilliantly pointed out in her comments) however I thought that that the fact that the director is a voice over god would detract from my point that this is a great movie. But after further thought--Frank Oz is an awesome director and the fact that he is the voice of Grover makes him cooler. The movies he has directed (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, What About Bob, In and Out etc) have mostly been excellent. So yea. Go Frank Oz!