Day 41- I'm going to make a sequel to "That Thing You Do" called "That Thing We Did"

Hello Readers,
Havent seen you guys in a while. Where've you been? Vacationing? Where? In Bermuda?! With Who!? GARY!! That sonofabitch! He told me he was with Betsy and the girls in Cape Canaveral! And all this time he was-WELL, he'll be hearing from me soon.

Anyway--a lot to cover this day.
First, I dont have a twitter. I'm not planning on getting one any time soon. Why? Cuz I think they're mostly stupid. I also would rather save my savory comic morsels for this blog. Twitters are good for 2 people: hilarious comedians and NBA players. I dont really follow anyone's twitter as even celebrities' are typically stupid but here are the ones that I do like

1. http://twitter.com/robhuebel
Thats one of the guys from Human Giant. He doesnt write shit about where hes performing. He also doesnt mostly write about shit hes doing. What he DOES write is hilarious little tidbits. For example:
---The Myrtle Beach airport bar is a great place to meet single, pregnant moms drinking...and try to get them double-pregnant.
---I am not the star of HBO's new show, "Hung". But my mom says I could have been.

2. http://hoopshype.com/twitter.html
This site lists all the twitter action from NBA players. These guys are the vainest silliest, and sometimes just dumbest people in the world, but I love it. Here are some golden ones from today:
Tyrus Thomas: If you a dude and you're "too real" for BLACKsummer's night, chances are you're not REAL
Drew Gooden: At Walgreens and never knew they had restrooms??? It's pretty cool in here! Lol!
(ps. check out Gooden's back head soul patch....)
Shawn Marion: Wow jus caught last half of glory mathew broderick did a great job whatever happened to him

3. Bill Simmons--http://twitter.com/SportsGuy33
If you love Bill Simmons...

Next item of business. I was at the MJ Memorial. Big Ups to J-wizzle dizzle and her momizzle whos friendizzle got us the hookup for floor seats.

What a show. Anyone who's anyone, or has ever been anyone was there. I made a list of the celebrities I sighted personally (that is, people who I saw in the crowd):
1. Larry King with his hot ass wife
2. Shawn Wayans. Where was Marlon? Probably sucking it up in G.I. Joe: The Rise of My Boner When I see Sienna Miller
3. Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) riding....a motorized SCOOTER! Down the aisles. Not only is it funny to see a midget in a scooter! But it was MINI ME! Suffice it to say, it brought some much needed levity.
4. Steve Urkel--Who actually looked more like Stefan Urquelle, if you get that Family Matters reference.
5. Fonzworth Bentley sans Diddy and his umbrella
6. Lou Ferrigno. Dude's still got it.
7 (and my personal favorite). THE HUGE TALL BLACK SCARY PRISONER FROM THE DARK KNIGHT! The guy on the prison boat who says my favorite line, "I'm gonna do what ya'll shoulda did, ten minutes ago."

BTW--In the shooting script of the movie the line is, "I'm going to do what you all should have done ten minutes ago." So props to Chris Nolan for letting his actors take some liberties with his language.

I met this huge tall scary man (Tommy "Tiny" Lister--The "Tiny" for obvious oxymoronish reasons) and he is in fact tall and scary in person. He even has a glass eye! But he was totally nice and let me take a picture with him while shaking his humongous elephant hand.

I was doing some research on imdb and this guy is in an upcoming movie called "Lean Like A Cholo: The Movie" where the description says: A comedy about a bunch of homie Cholos, trying to do the right thing, the right way for the right reasons, but always get it wrong.

I think this movie is replacing James Cameron's Avatar as the most anticipated movie of the year for me.

8. Kobe Bryant: A god among men.
9. Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell, the hosts of Access Hollywood- They had a little trouble finding their seats and they got there a bit late. I guess they just didnt have the necessary...ACCESS.
10. The HOST OF SUPERMARKET SWEEP! He was sitting right in front of me! Wow. How did he get floor seats I wonder. I used to love that show, and seeing him in person really brought me back to a time where TV used to have game shows where people ran around supermarkets grabbing as much expensive food and giant inflatable hams as they could.

Those were the celebrity highlights. As for the ceremony itself, it was really powerful. A lot of people were in tears. I myself dont get too emotional about celebrities dying, simply because I dont know them personally. But when MJ's daughter spoke, unnecessarily in my opinion (Janet was supposed to talk and instead she passes the mike to her 10 year old niece! To speak to an arena of over 18,000 people!), it really did remind me that Michael Jackson wasnt just MICHAEL JACKSON. He was a dad. And thats something to be sad about.

The speakers were great, Queen Latifah's reading of Maya Angelou's poem was beautiful, as was Smokey Robinson's reminiscing over 11 year old MJ. Martin Luther King Jr's kids also spoke eloquently about how Michael called their mother on her death bed and told her he was praying for her (now if the kids could only stop fighting over money!). Al Sharpton was a little over the top for me. As Seth Meyers wrote in his twitter: Al Sharpton to MJ's kids:"Your daddy wasn't strange!" Al Sharpton to Peanut Butter:"You are not made of butter and peanuts!" Jennifer Hudson clearly had the best, most rousing performance, and as a sidenote--

Even after Dreamgirls, I was not sold on her. Obviously she sang "And I am Telling You" well, but what else could she do? Well--after hearing her sing the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl, some song at the Grammys, and now "Will You Be There" at this event IM SOLD. She has an UN-BELIEVABLE voice. Aretha-ish. I'm not kidding. When its on SHE BRINGS IT.

Anyway--it was a lavish but relatively gentle and kind memorial befitting the most controversial, exciting, and arguably most talented and influential entertainer of our time. He lived only 50 years, but undoubtedly he will be globally remembered forever.*

Until Tomorrow--

*Unless aliens attack the planet and destroy every book, every magazine, every form of print ever existing ever, the internet, film and television archives, and every trace of human invention and then wipe out our brains and replace our memories with thoughts solely of the "leader" and our next two tasks.

Day 25- There is a fine line between glittering and littering...think about it.

In case you didn't realize this before: The Oscars are bullshit. Not all of it. But most of it. Like everything in Hollywood, it is a money-making device to get people to see more movies. Oscars also, in case you didnt know, arent won by actors who's performances were unbelievable and truly the best of the year, but rather they are given to actors who have the right combination of star power, sympathy, a good back story, and a certain type of performance. Mostly, a performance considered "brave" which basically means that that either an actor portrayed someone that no one likes (Aileen Wuornos, Indi Amin) but made the audience a little more compassionate about that character OR that an actor played someone that EVERYBODY likes (Ray Charles, Ghandi), and did it in a way that was "faithful" and "captured even that person's slightest nuances." You also have to do the right amount of press (For "Gangs of New York," Martin Scorsese went nuts, appearing on everything, while for "The Departed," he only did a few things. The ol' less is more attitude and his "humbleness" helped him score his first victory.) Also of course, you are guaranteed an Oscar if you ugly yourself up either physically (something I've touched on in a previous post), or mentally, that is, if you play someone a little mentally challenged.

The Oscars are kind of a large topic to handle in one post, so I will just handle one part in this one. Namely, Oscar winning performances when, looked back on, were not that good. These performers won their Oscar because of other factors.

2008- Tilda Swinton for "Michael Clayton." Now while I loved this movie, and while I loved her performance in it, I didnt think it was necessarily Oscar worthy (or should I say, award worthy). I think the performance was subtle, contained, and very truthful. The fear she showed, while trying to remain in control was definitely great acting, but it wasnt a performance where, five years down the line, you would say, "wow, she should have won an Oscar for that!" However, she won because the Academy wanted to give Michael Clayton an Oscar, but didnt feel it could give it an Oscar for anything else. With Juno a lock for best screenplay, Daniel-Day Lewis a lock for best actor, Javier Bardem a lock for best supporting actor, and the Coen Brothers a lock for best directors and movie, this was the only category where it could win. The other performers were just as good if not better and some had even more complex characters. Even though I dont think she deserved an Oscar, Ruby Dee's performance in "American Gangster" was crazy good. Can you imagine what it would be like to slap Denzel Washington across the face!? And at that point in the movie, with Denzel's character at the height of his power! Hot Damn that was a intense scene!

2007- Alan Arkin was awesome. Who knew a heroin addict could be so lovable? I didnt, and now I do. But you know who else was just so unbelievable--Eddie Murphy in "Dreamgirls." It was the role of his career, combining his electric performing skills, with his trademark fast talking, narcissism, BUT to this he added a sadness and vulnerability that, when I saw for the first time, made me swell up inside with pity and sympathy. As douche as this guy was at his prime, you still loved him, and then felt bad for him during his demise. You know why Eddie didnt win? Because he is an asshole that too many people in Hollywood dont like. He is difficult to work with, doesnt even do press for his own movies, and has an ego the size of my dick (HUGE). Alan Arkin on the other hand, is old, has always done good work, and people felt that he was really due. That's why he won.

Jennifer Hudson. Oh Jennifer Jennifer. You sang "And I am Telling You" with so much power, and emotion and energy and oomph. You really sang from your heart. But it is the ROLE and your back story as an American Idol reject that won you the Oscar. The role of Effie White is a role that is so meaty and complicated that any decent actress with a good voice would be able to pull it off effectively. Look at the others nominated that year in that category: Cate Blanchett, those two foreigners from Babel, and Abigail Breslin. Alright Abigail didnt deserve it as cute as she was, the two foreigners did not have enough star power or sympathy. No one knew who they were! And well, that leaves Cate Blanchett. I still remember the camera panning her face when she lost. In her head she must have been thinking, "I just lost an Oscar to a girl who's only previous acting experience had been on a Disney cruise ship!" Cate Blanchett should never lose an Oscar to someone who acted on a cruise ship. Never. Plus, her role in "Notes on a Scandal" was far more complex, even if it wasnt as "feel good."

*Sidenote. I saw Jennifer Hudson at a Best Buy in the spring, shopping around, looking at the promotional stuff for the Dreamgirls DVD. Oscar winners dont look at themselves on DVD covers. As a sidenote to that sidenote, I saw Chi McBride (from Boston Public, Undercover Brother, Pushing Daisies etc.) at Best Buy that SAME trip. What are the odds?

2006- I like Reese Witherspoon a lot. I think shes a phenomenal actress and that she deserves an Oscar. Just not for "Walk the Line." What was her role in that movie? Look cute, in love, upset that shes in love, strong, caring and then vulnerable. Thats about it. Oh, and she actually sang. This is one of those times when the other competitors just fell a little short, and Reese is just so damn cute that everyone wanted to vote for her. North Country (Charlize Theron's movie) wasnt that good, no one saw "Mrs Henderson Presents" (starring Judi Dench) or "TransAmerica" (starring Felicity Huffman, or one half of the Hollywood power couple Filliam H. Muffman) and Keira Knightley's performance, while good, wasnt "Oscar worthy." In 10 years someone will rent, "Walk the Line" at a thumb-print identification, 24-hour Blockbuster kiosk and say "Joaquin Phoenix was phenomenal. Reese was good too." That to me says it all.

2005-Morgan Freeman is the most beloved man in Hollywood as far as I can tell. Everyone loves him, respects him, wants to work with him, and loves his old black person dignity. The dude can also make a phone book sound like the Bible. Before 2005, Morgan had never won an Oscar. Hollywood had to change that. Especially if they were going to try and make America feel better for having had slavery for hundreds of years. But to be honest, his Million Dollar Baby performance, while "feel good" and emotional, was not, in my opinion as good as Clive Owen's in "Closer" (Watch him scream, "DID HE MAKE YOU CUM" to Julia Roberts and not get a little bit frightened) or even Thomas Hayden Church's "Sideways" performance. A lot of what the academy does is give people Oscars when they are "due." This is one of those times.

Now, Hollywood does make good decisions sometimes. Adrien Brody's win against heavyweights Jack Nicholson and Daniel Day Lewis was well deserved. Unfortunately Adrien Brody has not paid the Academy back since every other movie he has made since has been shitty.

I'm a little spent now. But I will share with you this information. About Daniel Day-Lewis. Did you know that during the period between The Last of the Mohicans and Gangs of New York, Daniel became a cobbler. The greatest actor alive stopped acting so he could make shoes for like 10 years. Crazy right!

Oh, and I liked Pineapple Express a lot, even though I felt like it switched its tone too much throughout. But, I didnt like it as much as Knocked Up or Superbad. Maybe some repeat viewings will change my mind...

BTW--ABOUT my post--Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts!

Until Tomorrow--