Day 27- No disrespect to to Lord Byren or Edgar Allen Poe, but I dont believe there is such a thing as a romantic period- BJ Novak

Hey Readers, (Clippy: IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE WRITING A LETTER! DO YOU WANT SOME HELP WITH THAT)

Sorry it has been so long since I've last posted. I've been really busy with pre-school school (Maybe not the best way to phrase it). I was staffing an orientation for freshman, doing improv shows, and organizing BJ Novak's show at Wash U. In case you are wondering, the show was HUMONGOUS success. We had between 3-4,000 people (more than half the school) and everyone had an awesome time.

But enough with the excuses. I need to get back to what's really important. What you all care about. Good ol' fashioned Hollywood nonsense. So, without further ado, here it is:

What has happened to "The Frat Pack?" For those of you who dont know, the Frat Pack is the group of comedians- Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Steve Carrell, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson and Jack Black that often appear in each other's movies and used to mean a big box office opening no matter what time of year it was. Now I know you're saying, "but these guys are still huge stars who can all open their own movies!" But the truth is, that none of these guys (save for this summer's "Get Smart" and last year's "Night at the Museum") have really had a BIG hit since 2006. In fact, the "friends" of the frat pack, most of the members of Team Apatow, are the ones making the big bucks. I have come up with several reasons for this:

1. The Frat Pack are making less movies because studios arent greenlighting them. In general, studios are more cautious than not, so as a high powered studio exec (say...Amy Pascal of Columbia Pictures), would you rather invest $80 million, $20 million of those dollars going to Vince Vaughn, in a big budget movie, after Fred Claus made $50 million and was considered a flop, or would you rather spend $28-$35 million on Seth Rogen's new buddy comedy or Jason Segal's break-up comedy, or Judd Apatow's baby comedy that will most definitely make more than $35 million, and therefore, will make a profit.

2. Audiences have gotten sick of seeing guys like Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller do their normal shtick. No one saw Semi-Pro or The Heartbreak Kid because they have seen those movies before. Or at least, they had seen those characters before. Jackie Moon is just Ricky Bobby + Chazz Michael Michaels + Ron Burgandy, and Ben Stiller's character in Heartbreak Kid was Gaylord Focker + Ruben Feffer (Along Came Polly) + Ted Stroehmann (Something About Mary). Step Brothers made money because it was (well hilarious!) and was at least a little stretch in that Will wasnt playing sports and didnt have a ridiculous haircut/facial hair. Tropic Thunder is working (not as much money as they hoped but still #1 two weeks in a row) because of how original it is. If these guys want to keep working, they've got to keep stretching themselves.

3. Women love Apatow movies. Apatow movies are all about relationships. They have the stuff that guys want (hilarious moments, quotable lines, dirty words, sex) and a lot of the stuff women want (relateable characters, heartwarming moments, semi-romantic stuff). Judd makes movies that guys AND girls like to watch. Why make another "You Me and Dupree" with big name actors (KATE HUDSON! MATT DILLON!) when you can make an actual love triangle movie (Mila Kunis? Jason Segal?) with smaller name actors with smaller paychecks, that people will go to see because of the positive critical acclaim and because of word of mouth.

4. Since they've gotten big, members of the Pack havent starred opposite each other (save for Tropic Thunder). People like seeing Vince Vaughn with Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell, not with Jennifer Aniston or Paul Giamatti. The movies that do well are the ones that star at least 2 of the major members of the Pack.

A couple of things I want to note about "The Frat Pack."

1. Luke Wilson should not be in it. He is in it because of Old School, and because he appeared in Anchorman, but the dude is not funny, does not make good good movies, and is not liked by men. He should be replaced by Paul Rudd because Paul Rudd is awesome and does a lot more Frat Pack stuff.

2. Steve Carrell hasnt really done a "frat pack" comedy since Anchorman. He doesnt do cameos anymore (the one from Knocked Up not withstanding) and therefore I feel like he may have left the group. But I guess only time will tell.

I have always been a fan of The Frat-Pack and actually check the excellent website www.the-frat-pack.com at least once a day so this rant is not anger inspired but rather it is constructive criticism. Here is what I have to say to each member of The Frat Pack:

Ben- I hope you continue to do smart, satirical comedy like Tropic Thunder more than family friendly fodder like "Night at the Museum 2." And you do have lots of pull in Hollywood and your own production company (GO RED HOUR FILMS! I worked there Summer 06!) so I'm sure you can find a balance between the two.

Will- As much as Step Brothers didnt have a plot or deep characters, it was fucking hilarious at parts and I like that. I hope you continue to write your own stuff and find interesting, hilarious, ridiculous shit to do.

Owen--Well you stopped making movies for a while after your suicide attempt, and I hope you are doing better, but I dont think the public will look at your carefree, silly on-stage persona the same again. We'll see how your next movie, starring Jennifer Aniston, goes. Its called "Marley and Me."

Vince- Well, your Wild West Comedy Tour bombed too, so maybe your name isnt as powerful as people think it is. However, you do have another big Christmas movie coming out, co-starring super-star Reese Witherspoon, so I'm sure that will do well and you'll get back on the horse.

Steve- You're doing just fine. But try and do more Apatow and less family stuff. Oh and NEVER LEAVE "THE OFFICE."

Jack- You also are doing just fine. I'm quite looking forward to "Year One" co-starring Michael Cera, David Cross, McLovin and Hank Azaria and directed by Harold Ramis and produced by Mr. Apatow. Keep making the good career choices, balancing smaller, more serious pieces ("Margot at the Wedding") with funny kid stuff ("Kung Fu Panda"). I just hope School of Rock 2 is going to be good....

Luke: The Wrong Brother tried to commit suicide. Stop making movies. No one likes you.

FINALLY- On a "Frat Pack" note, does Elizabeth Banks have to play to girlfriend to every single member of the Frat-Pack and its friends at one point? Lets she, she dated Michael Showalter (not a friend, but a comedian who is connected to the Frat by Paul Rudd) in "The Baxter," she "hooked up" with Carrell in the 40 Year Old Virgin (Do you like to do it yourself?), she played David Wain (connected thru Rudd)'s girlfriend in his internet shorts, "Wainy Days," she played Vince Vaughn's in Fred Claus, Paul Rudd's in the upcoming "Role Models" (which BTW looks FREAKING HILARIOUS!), and Seth Rogen's in the upcoming (no pun intended) Zach and Miri Make a Porno. Seriously, as much as I like her, its getting weird.

It's good to be back everyone.

Until Tomorrow---

PS. Here's one more hilarious BJ Novak joke: "Her body was like poetry. It bored me."

Day 5-The Lakes are Still ALIVE

A lot of you may not know this about me, but I am a sensitive guy. Its true. I feel for people. Now this may come as a surprise for a lot of you given how hard core of a person I am. But to be perfectly honest, I feel (there I go again) that I am actually a very empathetic person. If there is injustice in the world, or someone has been wronged, I genuinely feel bad about it.

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about feeling bad for the refugees in Darfur or anything like that silly! I'm talking about characters in movies who "get the shaft" so to speak. What do I mean? Let me explain.

In the wonderful, stupendous, life-affirming, never gets old film, "School of Rock," (the best film Jack Black will ever make because in this movie, unlike in other of his movies, he plays all parts of himself, not just the stoner heavy version-"Orange County" or cute heavy version-"The Holiday" or sarcastic heavy version-"High Fidelity") everyone in the band has a back story, gets their time in the sun, has a special scene where they bond with Mr. "Schneebly," and overcomes their fear/obstacle.

Zach Mooneyham (shredding guitarist) is a shy kid who never stands up for himself but after a talk with Mr. Schneebly and a whole lesson devoted to teaching him how to use rock to stand up to his dad (the man), he rocks in the "kick ass show" and his fucked up dad lets him finally play rock and roll.
Freddy Jones (the "tough" drummer) is a punk kid who has lots of aggression but doesnt know how to channel it. After Mr. Schneebly shows him what the drums are (btw---really? the kid who loves to bang on shit, and plays percussion never even thought about playing the drums? A liiiiiittle stretch. But I digress) and gives him some sagely advice about real rockers and the dangers of drugs Freddy becomes a team player and helps inspire Dewey Finn to come and play at Battle of the Bands.
Lawrence (is good at piano) is a really smart, introverted, nerdy Asian kid with no friends and after learning the coolest handshake ever and discovering that he too can be the "bees knees" gains confidence and the respect of his peers.
Tamika (Turkey Sub) is a really shy fat Black girl who has mighty power-house pipes but has never shared it with anyone...until Mr. Schneebly coaxes it out of her, tells her how awesome she is, and likens her to a certain....ARETHA FRANKLIN thus raising her confidence and enabling her to belt it and be proud of it.
Even the back up singers, Gordon (the awesome techie), Frankie (the fat kid who channels his fatness to become security) and Billy (sassy pants who gets to express his gayness) get "personalities" that they channel towards helping the band.

Yep, everyone gets their due, gains confidence and changes for the better. WAIT. HOLD THE PHONE. I'M MISSING SOMEONE. Who? Who is it? It's KATIE the bassist! She literally gets NOTHING the whole movie. She keeps that "g coming" and lets her fingers do the rocking in the beginning and THATS IT. She plays basically one note the entire film. Her one tiny bit of dialogue is when Freddy is ranting about the lack of female drummers and Katie points out that he forgot Meg from the White Stripes. Thats it. She doesnt get a solo in the rock show, she doesnt get a solo/shout out in the end credit song. Nothing. Would it have hurt Mike White/Richard Linklater to at least give the girl a line about how her parents worship her older brother and how she is always living in his shadow--that way when her parents see her play at the concert she is vindicated in some way. Could she at least have answered a math question during the wonderful Math song? No. She got fucked. No if ands or buts or anyway around it, And I FEEL BAD FOR HER. See how empathetic I am?

In other news, I was talking with my friend Evan the other day and we were discussing how I saw "You Dont Mess With the Zohan."

If you're wondering, I liked it. Its by far Adam Sandler's funniest movie in 4 years (if you count 50 First Dates as funny which I do. I thought Sean Astin's lisp and fishnet shirts were enjoyable. Sam Wise...you are a delight!) I LOVED the music (HaDag Nachash), montage sequences, and the Israeli references to matcot, hackey-sack, hummus, disco-dance etc. I hated Rob Schneider, the simplified, stupified political views (why cant we just end the fighting? THERE ARE LOTS OF REASONS!) and I hated some of the cameos (Mariah Carey-you sucked in Glitter and you suck now.)

But I digress, the conversation we had was actually discussing the hotness of a certain Moroccan/French/Canadaian Jew who played the Palestinian love interest in the film-- Emmanuelle Chriqui. I knew this girl was hot ever since I wanted to bone her in "Snow Day" but she became THAT MUCH HOTTER when she joined "Entourage" as E's girlfriend Sloan, and had a threesome.

Now I have never ever met or heard of another girl named Sloan, save for one. I have seen one other Sloan in my lifetime. And she was also REALLY hot. Do you know who I am referring to?

SLOANE PETERSON! From "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." Both Sloanes were gorgeous, awesome girls who support their man, have a distinctive style (E's Sloane wears flowing designer clothes while Ferris' Sloane wears cowgirl stuff) and like having fun (Ferris' girl likes spending the day at the museum, Oktoberfest parade, and flirting with Ferris' dad through a car window. E's girl likes the aforementioned threesome).

All of that aside, my question is when did Hollywood decide that Sloane was a hot name for the perfect girl? AND DONT SAY because it sounds like "loan" and Jews control Hollywood! Sloane is a weird fucking name. It is of Irish and Gaelic origin and means "man of arms, warrior." Not "beautiful girl with a gorgeous body who is far cooler than any girl who exists in real life." Anyway--i guess the point is, Hollywood-do your research*. Until Tomorrow-

*ps. if you feel like this part of the entry was rather pointless and the whole "Sloan" argument has more substance as an observation than as critique, I would say you're right. But I would also say get over it.