DAY 7- I LOVE LA

I am going to digress from talking about movies for one moment to share with you why I love living in Los Angeles. My cousin Jenna was visiting from Boston and wanted to see a celebrity, so we went to this restaurant called The Ivy. It is the trendiest place to go in town and you are almost guaranteed to see celebrities there. For example, my mom's sister (or my aunt) wanted to see a tabloid celebrity when she visited, so my mom took her to The Ivy. As soon as she got there who do they see but Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie. The two biggest "tabloid celebrities" on the planet. That's how trendy that place is. I had never been there before, but I was given the offer and so I thought....what the hey!

As a side note, seeing most celebrities is not a big deal because, a) you never say anything to them because you chicken out and b) you really have nothing to say to them anyway. What am I going to say to Antonio Banderas? I really liked you as the voice of Puss and Boots? What's it like being from Spain? Hi Kate Hudson. I really like your jeans. What are Matthew McConaghey's (sp) abs like in real life?

There are only a few celebrities that I would actually freak out about seeing anyway and this is off the top of my head--Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Kobe Bryant, Mike Myers, Jack Black, Judd Apatow, Robert Downey Jr (who I just saw in this great film called "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints"-rent it) and Justin Timberlake. These are people I would actually want to talk to, and feel like I would have a good time with even if I wouldn't have that much to say.

BACK TO THE STORY--THE IVY is uber-expensive. They literally can charge you for ANYTHING. For example, I ordered a 7-Up which they gave me from a tiny bottle that filled one glass with ice and guess the price---$6.50. Yes. Half a glass of 7-UP cost $6.50. A small capresese salad with tomatoes and basil (and NO dressing)--$18.00. You get the picture. Anyway my cousin was constantly looking for celebrities but there were none to be found. Just really really rich people--guys with highlighted tips and $700 sunglasses, blondes with tons of Tiffany bracelets etc. Anyway, we had a wonderful meal, no celebrities--but whatever. We went outside to go to the valet when who do I see? (SHOUT OUT TO STEPHI BLANK)--but BILL SIMMONS--ESPN'S SPORTS GUY! He is literally my favorite columnist. I read him everyday. He writes about everything I think about--for example he wrote a whole column about the NBA in relation to Ron Burgandy quotes. I read his article on last nights horrendous Laker game this MORNING. I listen to his podcasts, send him letters and even though he is a huge Boston fan and talks shit about the Lakers all the time, I still love him.

So I walk up to him and say--hi Bill, my name is Ethan I am a huge fan of your column. I read it all the time. You are my favorite." He is SUPER nice--says, "thanks a lot. You a Lakers fan?" I say, "of course I am." He says, "what'd u think about the game last night." I said, "I couldnt sleep it was so awful." He looks at the guy next to him and says, "by the way this is the OWNER OF THE CELTICS." He introduces me to him and we chat a little bit about the game, the Lakers, Andrew Bynum, and the owner even jokingly offers Celtics tickets to my cousin. When they leave, I wish the owner good luck (even though I hope the Celtics all die tomorrow) and he drives away in the NICEST silver Bentley convertible I have ever seen and Bill Simmons drives away in his not so shabby BMW convertible. Then I wait for the valet to bring me my dented Toyota Camry.

In conclusion, this was the PERFECT celebrity for me to meet. He was famous, but not too famous and I think he genuinely appreciated my comments. The fact that he wanted to talk to me about sports and was out to lunch with the owner of the team that was in the NBA Finals is still almost too surreal for me to put into words. So in conclusion--you will always see celebrities when you are in LA if you know where to look. Oh and I LOVE LA.

As a side note--do you ever notice how Matt Damon always plays the wealthy, smart, deceptive white guy or a variation on that? And by always I mean a LOT, and by white I mean white.

In "School Ties" he plays Charlie, a wealthy student at a prestigious white school who cheats on his big exam (threes where the deceptive part comes in) and doesn't come clean until another student rats him out. Coincidentally in that film he also hates Jews and hates Brenden Fraser, but who can blame him for that. (4/4).

In "Good Will Hunting" hes not wealthy, but he is deceptive (to others when he doesn't reveal that he is smart, and to himself when he doesn't reveal how scared of rejection he is) and he is "white" in that he is BAHSTON white. (3/4).

In "Rounders" he plays, Mike a CARD player (deceptive by nature) who goes to Harvard Law School (talk about smart and white!) (3/4).

In "Dogma" he plays Loki, who is a demon and therefore deceptive, smart and I guess wealthy (3/4).

In "The Talented Mr. Ripley" he plays Tom Ripley, a deceptive, supposed Ivy-leaguer (white/educated) who is smart nonetheless and makes lots of money by killing and being really f'in creepy (4/4).

In "The Legend of Bagger Vance" he plays a wealthy, smart, old school golfer (white). (3/4).

In the "Ocean's Eleven" trilogy, he plays Linus, the wealthy, smart, con man. Where's the whiteness? Remember that scene where he dresses up as an agent for the Nevade Gaming Commission and tells Bernie Mac that the gaming commission has always supported "negroes?" Thats good for (4/4).

In the "Bourne Identity" trilogy he plays Jason Bourne, the wealthy, brilliant, deceptive SECRET AGENT (3/4).

In "The Departed" he plays Colin Sullivan, who is wealthy (or at least higher class), smart (lets give credit where credit is due) white (dick ass Bostonian), and deceptive (he's a fucking rat for godsakes.) (4/4).

FINALLY, in "The Good Shepard" he plays a Yale (smart, wealthy, white) graduate, who is one of the founding members of the CIA (deceptive). (4/4).

There you have it folks--Matt Damon's character.

UNTIL TOMORROW--