Day 45- Thank God Jeff Golblum is Still Alive

Last week I read somewhere about translated movie titles of American movies in foreign markets and I thought I'd share some of them here cause they are so funny:

In Israel:
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs translates to It's Raining Falafel!
Knocked Up translates to The Guy Who Screwed Me
She's the Man translates to She's Got Balls

In France:
The Hangover translates to Very Bad Night
Cruel Intentions translates to Sex Intentions
The Matrix translates to The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses

In Germany:
Airplane! translates to The Unbelievable Trip In A Wacky Aeroplane
Annie Hall translates to Urban Neurotic

In Italy:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind translates to If You Leave Me I Delete You

In the Czech Republic:
Hot Shots translates to Warm Shots

In Argentina:
Grease translates to Vaseline!

That's enough of that. If you guys know more, post them in the comments.

The next thing on the list is a discussion of sexy women who marry weird looking dudes. We see it on sitcoms all the time. How did SHE end up with Jim Belushi?! How did SHE end up with Mike O'Malley? How did SHE end up with Peter Griffin? We all know about Janet Jackson dating Jermaine Dupri and how gross that was. But lets look at 2 more recent examples of this:

Recently, two of Mad Men's female stars, Elisabeth Moss and Christina Hendricks, got married. Both to weird, nebbishly looking dudes. Elisabeth Moss in my opinion is not that attractive, but I guess she's cute, and she's considered one of the more talented young actresses in Hollywood. She was even nominated for an Emmy last year. She could have used her clout to snag one of Hollywood's hot youngin's but she decided to go for the more unconventional route. She's currently married to SNL castmember Fred Armisen. Don't get me wrong, I love Fred Armisen, but he's a tiny, weird lookin dude.

Christina Hendrick's example is far more unsettling. This woman, who plays Joan on Mad Men*, is perhaps the sexiest woman alive right now. And she decided to marry this guy:

Geoffrey Arend. He's the guy in Super Troopers who says, "These Snozzberries Taste Like Snozzberries!" I dont think he deserves to stand in the same room as Ms. Hendricks! If she is a 10, then he is a 2. And it's not like he's Lyle Lovett or Dwight Yoakam who are ugly, but famous and legendarily charming. He's not even David Spade who has a history of banging hot blonds (Heather Locklear, Nicolette Sheridan, Playmate Jillian Grace etc.)

ASIDE: Adam Corolla has a theory that I think has some truth. Women like to date men who have dated hot women because it affirms that they themselves are hot. Why else would anyone date David Spade? He's not that funny, he is about 5 foot nothing, and is about as interesting looking as a table. The story behind Adam's theory is that one time when Corrolla was on the Howard Stern show, he met a hot blond model. Apparently Spade was supposed to appear on the show as well. Adam went up to the model and said, "Hey, do you want me to introduce you to David Spade?" To which the model replied, "Oooh. He dates really hot blonds right? Sure!" She didn't say, "Oh he's cute." Or "Oh, he's funny!" She was clearly interested because she knew that dating him would affirm her own "hotness." Absurd.

BACK TO JOAN. She could have gotten any guy she wanted, and she chose snozzberries? Maybe they started dating before she was famous, but still! He's a 2, she's a 10. You might say, well she plays the accordion, so she cant be a 10. FALSE. Because she plays the accordion she He's a stringbean and she's a whole lotta woman. Can he possibly please her sexually?

Side note: People have speculated if Ms. Hendrick's curves and chest are padded for the show. But as evidenced by this picture...they're real and they're spectacular!

I guess the world is just a crazy, illogical place sometimes, where beauty and the beast can get it on, and where Mystery can wear a huge hat with feathers and goggles and suddenly be The Sexiest Man Alive. Where the talented and graceful Brittany Murphy perishes way too early, but Paris Hilton is still walking around giving people STDs. Where Jennifer Hudson can win an Oscar before Kate Winslet. Where a movie about 9 foot tall, tailed, blue creatures makes $250 million worldwide opening weekend!

BTW: AVATAR=Alice and Wonderland + The Matrix + Pocahontas + The Last of the Mohicans + Dances with Wolves + Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest + Wall-E+Platoon

Where Paul Blart: Mall Cop can merit a sequel. Where Transformers can make $700 million but The Hurt Locker only makes $13.6 million. Where Arrested Development lasts 2 1/2 seasons but "Still Standing" and "Yes, Dear" are syndicated. Where a petition to free Roman Polanski is signed by many, even though he drugged, raped and then sodomized a 13 year old girl. Where Sandra Bullock can get nominated for any sort of award for her performance in The Proposal. AND where a character on 30 Rock needs a kidney transplant, and only 5 months later, an actual cast member (Grizz) needs a kidney. Such cruel irony, world. Such cruel irony.

LASTLY: I just went to a comedy show at the Largo last night. Here are my calls:

Paul F. Tompkins: A
Jon Cryer: B-
Woman comedian talking about the Golden Girls: B
Nick Kroll (pictured): A++. THIS GUY is my new favorite comedian. Not only are his characters (Bobby Bottleservice in particular) hysterical, but his stand-up left me bowled over with laughter.
Tig Notaro: B+
Greg Proops: C

Until Tomorrow---


*When Jon Hamm and January Jones kiss each other on Mad Men who do you think feels luckier? Is Jon Hamm thinking, "Wow! I cant believe I'm getting paid to kiss this beautiful woman!" Or is January Jones thinking (in a Borat voice), "Wa Wa Wee Wa! I cannot believe I'm kissing this man who's brawn and masculinity is only exceeded by his handsomeness!" Personally, I think she feels luckier.
** I just read that former Los Angeles Laker Rick Fox is dating Dollhouse's Eliza Dushku. WOT.