Day 36- What am I giving thanks for? Leslie Nielsen. Why not?

I have a theory. Every movie that starts with "MEET" is inevitably a shitty movie. There is one exception: Meet the Parents. Every other one I can think of is just really really bad. What makes these movies so bad? Well, a lot of them are based around stupid characters with no plot. It also says, since "Meet the ___" tells you nothing about the movie, that the producers dont even know what the movie is about, or that they didnt care enough to think of a real title. So here is my list that proves the rule:

1. Meet the Spartans
2. Meet Dave
3. Meet the Robinsons
4. Meet the Deedles
5. Meet the Browns
6. Meet Joe Black
7. Meet Wally Sparks
8. Meet the Fockers
9. Meet Bill

All of these movies are pretty darn shitty. Meet the Spartans was obviously just that shitty parody movie. Meet Dave is the Eddie Murphy movie this summer that bombed that had Eddie Murphy play different Eddie Murphys (I didnt know he could do that?!). It was originally called, "Starship Dave" but after The Adventures of Pluto Nash (the biggest box office flop of all time), I think producers wanted to never put "space" and "Eddie Murphy" together. Meet the Robinsons was that stupid Disney animated movie.

TANGENT: I dont think Disney's made a good animated movie since Tarzan. After Tarzan we got Lilo and Stitch (Ohalo means "go fuck yourself"), Treasure Planet (Martin Short voices ZANY robot! Where do I wait in line??) , Brother Bear (no wonder Joaquin Phoenix retired from acting. That movie was as forgettable as my 2nd Baby Mama, whose name I cant remember right now. And I should cuz I write her a fucking check every month! Word to the wise, never drink heavily and go to Chuck E. Cheese. Two many babes. Too strong beer goggles), Home on the Range (More like Home on my nutsack), Chicken Little (The sky is falling! More like my brain is falling.....asleep. Get it? Cuz the movie was boring.) Meet the Robinsons (If the Robinsons in question were Craig Robinson's family (Craig Robinson plays Darryl on the Office and was easily the best part of "Zach and Miri make a Porno." Oh and I brought him to Wash U last year and he is hilarious and quite an awesome dude.) THEN AND ONLY THEN would I go see that movie) and Bolt (Bolt may be ok, but thats only because Pixar head John Lasseter was an executive producer and made sure that it was at least watchable.) Is there a single good movie in this group? No. Not a single one.

Disney artists should truly be embarrassed by the films they've produced this decade. Comparing them to PIXAR is like comparing England to America. England was balling for many centuries, dominating the world like no body's business. They had the strongest Navy and Army and were the premiere leaders in industrialization. Then some Englishmen moved to America under English jurisdiction. Their products were produced independently, but helped distributed around the world by the Mother Country, who also took much of their profits. Then, they became independent (although Pixar films are still marketed and distributed by Disney) and easily surpassed England to be the most balling country in the world. THEY became the leaders of the free world, balling and shot calling, even bailing Britain out in WWII when it was on the cusp of being destroyed (just like Pixar movies were basically bailing out Disney, giving it money makers and merchandise when all Disney had were those Pirate movies). Like that analogy? Can you think of a better one? COMMENT!

BACK TO REALITY: The only good thing Meet the Deedles brought to this world was Paul Walker, and thats being charitable. Paul Walker's a shitty actor, but he is nice to look at. Meet The Blacks starred retired Laker forward, and idiot dumb enough to cheat on ex-wife Vanessa Williams, Rick Fox, which automatically means it wasnt good, Meet Joe Black had a hot Brad Pitt and an even hotter Anthony Hopkins, but Claire Forlani just doesnt do it for me. I wont give Rodney Dangerfield any respect for Meet Wally Sparks, and Meet the Fockers didnt measure up to its predecessor (the truth is I just didnt think the stakes were high enough in that movie). There's a reason why you never heard of "Meet Bill" even though it starred Aaron "Twoface" Eckhart, Jessica Alba, Elizabeth Banks and Timothy Olymphant. It was bad.

Anyway, that's the proof. Movies that start with "Meet" are shitty. So for gosh sakes, just choose another title!!!


In other news, on imdb it says that Zach Braff just went on a trip to Israel and loved it so much and felt such a communal feeling that he is going to write a movie about an American Jew who visits Israel. Right on Zach! I used to love you, then I heard you were a douchebag, then I got bored with you, but now I like you again. Especially because this January, I'M Going to Israel for 6 months! So represent.

Until Tomorrow--