Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'VE MOVED!

HEY EVERYONE!

I'VE MOVED WEBSITES!

EHOLLYWOODNONSENSE CAN NOW BE FOUND AT:

WWW.EHOLLYWOODNONSENSE.COM

No more blogspot :(

THANKS FOR READING!

Monday, August 2, 2010

DAY 52- One for every week of the year. Also the Atomic Number of Tellurium! Bet you forgot that.

TRAILER TALK!

Have you seen the new trailer for YOGI BEAR? I have! It looks terrible!
I really liked the choice of Dan Aykroyd for Yogi Bear (just as I think Bill Murray as Garfield was an inspired choice), however Justin Timberlake as Boo-Boo is stunt casting if I've ever heard it. (I guess you can't really make the argument that Americans were waiting for Dan Aykroyd and J-Tizzle to really GO AT IT with each other...but still.) Justin Timberlake's Boo Boo voice is just Justin with a high pitch whine. Every time Boo Boo has a line I think, "Hey Justin Timberlake's in this movie." (Truth be told though, every time I see Justin Timberlake anywhere I think--"Hey! There's Justin Timberlake.")

Also, I'm not a tech nerd, but the CGI just looks terrible. The other bummer is that Anna Faris is in this movie. She has such a promising career! I don't know why she would lower herself to this "Alvin and the Chipmunks" ripoff garbage. (I mean...I do know--$$$!)

**Sidenote-- Since Alvin and the Chipmunks came out a few Decembers ago and made like $200 million, every old cartoon is being converted into a CGI movie. The Smurfs Movie is coming out soon, starring Neil Patrick Harris. There is also a Speedy Gonzales Movie starring George Lopez, a He-Man Master of the Universe Movie and a Thundercats movie all in the works. Not to mention past movies like Speed Racer and Underdog. The hope is that teens/adults who remember these cartoons will take their kids to see the movies, thus appealing to 2 or 3 of the 4 crucial demographics (those being: MEN, WOMEN, Kids, Older Folks). The only problem is--a lot of those cartoons werent good, and were not meant to have characters sustained for over 10 minutes. For example, Speedy Gonzales is funny for 5 minutes. I can't imagine watching him for 90. Hollywood--stop turning fine cartoons into shitty movies!

BUT BACK TO YOGI BEAR--What good is having this movie in 3D? (I know I know! $) but still! Unless Yogi can actually steal the popcorn on my lap, there is nothing that 3D can help this movie "achieve." I think in some cases 3D will end up hurting the movie more than helping it, like with Cats and Dogs 2 in 3D which came out this past weekend. Parents aren't going to be willing to shell out 18 bucks for a real shitty movie. 12 bucks maybe, but not 18.

MOVING ON:
The Social Network- You've probably already seen the trailer for this movie, but if you haven't you should watch it now! It looks awesome, which I'm sure the movie will be, considering it's directed by David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club, Zodiac) and written by Aaron Sorkin (A Few Good Men, The West Wing). The acapella use of the song "Creep" against backgrounds of facebook's features really gets the audience uncomfortably thinking about their own facebook use. The trailer is also interestingly and intensely cut.

A few years ago, Aaron Sorkin started a facebook group so he could find out more about facebook from the inside. This was a while ago, before your mom and your seven year old sister could sign up. So I appreciate that he did his research. But this movie isn't going to be about where "poking" comes from. It's a drama about friendship and business and trust and money and relationships. The intriguing part is that the backdrop of the movie is obviously a website, nay--an institution that is so integral to our every day lives, but who's origins are still quite the mystery for most of us. I'm excited for this movie. But this is the last movie I want to see Jesse Eisenberg in, playing a more confident, smarter Michael Cera. Ok Jesse?

LET'S TALK ABOUT CRAZY THINGS IN HOLLYWOOD
1. Paramount signed on to make a 3D Justin Bieber biopic/concert film. To be directed by none other than the director of Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth." WOT! I'm not even mad that they're making a Justin Bieber movie, cause honestly, that was to be expected. After all, it's Justin Bieber's world now. We're all just living in it. The sooner we realize that the faster we can get on with our lives. (By the way Usher is smiling in this picture because for every record Bieber sells, Usher makes like $15. Usher owns Bieber. He's like Strombolli, the evil puppet master who discovers Pinnochio, lets him sing "I've Got No Strings" and makes straight up cash money.)

But Mr. Director sir (Davis Guggenheim), who also just directed a documentary about the failure of the public school systems, How can you possibly go from directing movies of the utmost importance and relevance to America and the global community to a CONCERT movie starring a universally disrespected 15 year old pop queen. And no disrespect to concert movies--Martin Scorsese does excellent work with the Rolling Stones. But Mr. Guggenheim, The Rolling Stones Justin Bieber is not.

IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS! (2 days after I began writing this post.) Guggenheim just dropped out of the movie. Darn. That was so close to being the craziest thing I've ever heard. The fact that he had legit signed on to do it is still crazy, but in the end, thank God, all this Guggenheim talk is for naught.

*Sidenote--Justin Bieber is really one of the most polarizing figures of today. Spending the summer around kids aged 9-15, I have realized that one either HATES Justin Bieber with a passion and want to rip out his larynx, decapitate him, take out his brain insides, fill it up with Smarties, and turn his head into a Bieber pinata....OR you LOVE JUSTIN BIEBER SO MUCH IT MAKES YOU PUKE! You have to watch BABY 30 times a day, you have pictures of him all over your bed, and you live your life by the Bieber code--just be yourself! There is no middle ground. Kids dont "not give a shit" about Justin Bieber. He's like the "Inception" of popstars.

Also, Justin Bieber is writing a memoir. Or more like telling a writer funny stories about his first haircut and the first time he was raped by pixies.

HOLLYWOOD NONSENSE NUMBER 2-

As pointed out to me by Daniel "I know Gregory Rollman" Arkin, Universal is developing the film BATTLESHIP, based on the board game, as a starring vehicle for Rihanna. The logline is as follows: "Battleship will unfold as a massive Naval adventure across the seas, in the skies and over land as our planet fights for survival against a superior force."

YEA FOR MAKING QUALITY MOVIES!

HOLLYWOOD NONSENSE NUMBER 3-
Hollywood is remaking Ahnuld Schwarzenegger's TOTAL RECALL.

What's with all the Ahnuld remakes! First Predator, then I hear about a Commando remake! Now this? STOP remaking Arnold movies! They're not going to get any better. They're perfect the way they are. Please! Leave AHNULD ALONEEEEE! Abadah.

Thanks for reading!

Until Tomorrow---